5 Parenting Lessons From Mr Lee

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I was woken up by my husband who was on his way out for work and he whispered in my ear, ‘Lee Kuan Yew had passed away last night’. It was 23 March, 6.30 in the morning. I murmured a faint ‘oh’ and remained rather composed. I didn’t break down, not hysterically.

I had spent the past week, after receiving news from the Prime Minister Office that Mr Lee was critically ill, preparing for this.

For the past week, I had drifted through most days with a heavy heart. I found myself caught in a battle between my heart and my head. At 91 years old, he had lived a full life and it was only natural that this day would come. It was a stark reminder of mortality, that even the strongest man couldn’t defy death and that time would mercilessly tick on by the second, minute and hour. It won’t stop for anyone, not even for the passing of a great man.

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I remember tearing up seeing how frail he looked during the last National Day. I felt compelled to write a letter to him but never got down to doing it. I ended up writing a reflection on National Day.

My short stint overseas had made me appreciate the kind of freedom I grew up with. The kind that involved order and security.

I remember coming home to our house only to find the whole area cordoned off by heavily armed police officers because a gunman had sneaked into our backyard, I remember how I was pick pocketed in the world’s most beautiful city and I remember how we worried about being carjacked in a major city because we got lost and was driving through downtown area past midnight. I wouldn’t have questioned so much on what it meant to be a Singaporean if not for the chance to live oversea.

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Most people have written about Mr Lee’s achievements and their gratitude in building up the nation. But reading about how Mr and Mrs Lee brought up their children, it dawned upon me that rearing good kids, like building a nation does not happen by chance. It requires great clarity and conviction by the parents and leader. Mr Lee’s clarity of thought and wisdom cut across all facets of life and I think we could apply his wisdom to parenting.

1. Be fair.
Mr Lee in his fortitude decided to adopt a system of meritocracy that is blind to your skin colour and religion. He stamped out corruption, cronyism and nepotism. He recognised that not all are born equal, but all Singaporeans would be given the same access to healthcare, housing and education. He firmly believed that everyone should be given equal opportunities to succeed based on their talent and willingness to work. The same applied to parenting. Not all our children are born equal and we shouldn’t show favouritism. Instead we should help each of them find their strengths and weaknesses and provide them with equal opportunities to succeed.

2. The common interest is more important than the individual right.
Mr Lee has repeatedly rejected the western notions of the pre-dominance of individual liberties and rights over the rights of the community and society. What we have today in Singapore is a safe and secure society where you can send your children to school without worrying about guns and drugs. We don’t have to worry that the angry driver next to you will pull out a gun and put a bullet in your head neither do we need to worry about walking in the streets late at night. Similarly, in parenting, the interests of the family should come before the interests of any individual member of the family. As parents, we must prioritise making decisions that benefits the family as a whole.

3. Tolerance and mutual respect.
In Mr Lee’s conception, tolerance and mutual respect are ingredients to a harmonious society. In Singapore, the different ethnicities and religions work and play in a common space. Politics along racial and religious lines are prohibited. Like any society, underlying tensions exist. But here, they rarely escalate. Differences are largely recognised, tolerated and sometimes even celebrated. Tolerance and mutual respect are foundations of our society that have provided the environment for the nation to grow and develop without internal strife and conflict. Similarly, families need to be built on the same foundations. It is in an environment of a happy marriage and loving family, where there is mutual respect and tolerance, that children thrive and grow up into emotionally stable and successful adults.

4. A false sense of entitlement is detrimental.
Even in the 60s, Mr and Mrs Lee recognised that giving their children a false sense of entitlement would negatively impact their children. They chose to live at their Oxley Road home instead of Sri Temasek. They didn’t want their children to grow up in a place that is full of butlers and orderlies and get a false sense of life. ‘That, you play with the ball and it is okay, somebody will fetch it back.’ They taught their children that the world did not owe them a living and they must work hard for what they want in life.

This is becoming more challenging in today’s society where materialism and consumerism are prevalent. Children are overly praised and parents are overly indulgent. Children get what they want when they want it and they never learn to see the connection between making an effort and achieving success. They are led to believe that they are entitled to expensive toys, electronic gadgets, expensive holidays and fanciful birthday parties, just being who they are. We all know that the real world doesn’t work this way.

5. Teaching of values.
Even though Mr and Mrs Lee have no short of people who served them round the clock, the teaching of values to their children was never outsourced. Their children treated everyone with equal respect because they were taught not to behave like the Prime Minister’s children. They knew that it was okay if they didn’t top the classes as long as they put in their best. They were taught to turn off water taps completely. And when they left a room, they had to switch off lights and air-conditioners.

Mr Lee was meticulous and paid attention to details from an ailing rain tree to floating trash on the Singapore River. He lived simply and was never interested in material things. The children grew up in a humble house with simple furnishing and no shower. Their holidays were simple to nearby places such as Fraser’s Hill and Cameron Highlands.

As parents, it is important to emphasise on the teaching of the right values and even more important to walk the talk. I believe such consistent and disciplined upbringing will eventually shape our children’s characters and later on, influence their priorities in life.

 

Here’s what other mothers had written about Mr Lee
In memoriam by Lyn
A nation mourns by Angie
We will remember you by Pamela
Farewell, Mr Lee Kuan Yew by yAnn
Thank you note for Mr Lee Kuan Yew by Missus Tay
To Sir, with love by Dorothea
Goodbye and godspeed, Mr Lee by MummyBean
Thank you Mr Lee by Ai
A review of MM Lee’s Memoirs by Becky
Learning from the Lees by Adora
Your legacy will live on by Susan

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Your Legacy Lives On

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It’s another day
The sun has risen
Casting light on land which was once sea
Illuminating skyline built upon barren land

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It’s another day
The leaves have shed
With hues of ochre that crackled under my feet
Lining roads that lead to uncharted path

It’s another day
The waves come crashing
Pushing and pulling
Reaching and receding

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They won’t stop for anyone
Not for a great man
Nor a Nation’s father

As cruel as can be
Time goes by
Earth spins on

It’s another day
A nation mourns
Her people weeps

And the woods whisper
It’s time to sleep, to sleep
Sleep well, farewell Mr Lee

 

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My Yellow Steel Lady

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So the orthopaedic looked at my MRI and vaguely concluded that I had torn my meniscus with a couple of badly strained ligaments. They couldn’t quite confirm whether those ligaments were torn and I was supposed to go back for a review a couple of weeks later. I was left with the option to either have a surgery to remove the torn tissue or just live with it.

I guess the decision would have been rather straight forward for someone half my age doing serious sports. But for a stay at home mom who had passed her 40 milestone it seem easier to just live with it. And it suddenly hit on me that I may never be able to do the fun sports I enjoy, even jogging seems like a faraway dream.

Meanwhile, the physiotherapist showed me some exercises to help strengthen my thigh to aid in knee stability. I was supposed to spend some time at home everyday, using a towel to lift up my leg and consciously work at squeezing my thigh muscles.

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Sound boring? Absolutely. Didn’t help when I am hopeless at isolating my thigh muscles. My husband often teases me that I had been running with the wrong muscles all my life. Instead of using the biggest human leg muscles, I had been stressing my puny calf muscles. Ok, that kind of explains my rather un-proportionate leg. I never have slender calves, and they just seem to grow bigger the more I run! Yikes!

Going through those exercise was a real chore and I was totally unmotivated. I decided to just rest my leg.

A month passed and then 2 months passed. I still couldn’t straighten my knee. Neither could I bend my knee fully. I still couldn’t put my weight on my injured leg when I walk and I was still limping. The constant walking with my weight on my right leg is also beginning to cause my lower back to ache as my body was compensating for the imbalance.

The inactivity was beginning to make me feel restless. All the gorging and binging during Chinese New Year was making me depressed.

I decided to try cycling. I started off with my son’s bike as mine was too high and I was never really good at steering with my drop handlebars.

Every thing went well, I could peddle smoothly without having to over extend and bend my legs. For once, my knee didn’t hurt, not like when I was walking. I was exhilarated. I could finally use my left leg, my left thigh, my injured leg! For a moment, I didn’t feel that ‘handicapped’.

After having regained my confidence riding my son’s bike, I thought I was ready for my own bike.

It was pretty daunting at first but I got my husband to hold on to the bike and adjust the seat to cater to my current state. I could dismount, despite slowly and after a few round around our estate, I thought I was ready to head off on my own for my solo ride.

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And I did!
My Runkeeper showed that I had clocked more than a hundred kilometres in a week!
I wasn’t going at a very fast pace but I am certainly not complaining.

It was such a wondrous feeling to be active again, to feel my thighs growing stronger!
It made me feel alive to be sweating, panting and working my lungs out.

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I do miss jogging, but for now, I am contented just being able to get on my bike and peddle.

Here’s to more beautiful sunrise, slender calves (cos they don’t work that hard when cycling) and thunder thighs!
Eeeeeks!

 

Pictures shown were taken during my ride from Changi to Ford Road end.
Read how I busted my knee
Read more about my Yellow Steel Lady
For more post on Fitness
 

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