I Want the Baby

‘I want the baby to be in your tummy! I want the baby to come out and play with me!’
these were Mal’s words when we told him that we lost the baby. We just came out from the doctor’s office and were told that I had a miscarriage. I was supposed to be 8 weeks pregnant. It was a blighted ovum and we found out that a blighted ovum is the cause of about 50% to 60% of first trimester miscarriages and is usually the result of chromosomal problems.
We planned for the visit to the doctor as I had been having brownish and pink discharge for the past days which is a cause for concern. We requested for an ultrasound and we were given an appointment early next morning. At the doc’s office, the doctor did a transvaginal ultrasound and we were told that I had blighted ovum.

We found out from the internet that with a blighted ovum I will get a positive result on a pregnancy test, because the placenta begins to develop anyway and starts to secrete human chorionic gonadtrophin (hCG), the hormone that these tests look for. I may also have some of the symptoms common in a normal pregnancy, such as fatigue, nausea, and sore breasts. Later, when the hormone levels begin to go down, these symptoms will subside and you’re likely to have spotting or bleeding.

We were saddened by the news but also glad that we found out early. We may probably take a longer time to come out of this if not for what happened after this…

On the same night, I had a case of extremely bad constipation. It had never happened to me and I was quick to link it to the ultrasound I had early that morning. I thought maybe they had injured my bowel while giving me the ultrasound as the condition was so bad that I felt that I had lost control of my bowel muscle! It was a long night for me and it even crossed my mind that something really bad is happening to me! I searched through the interent to look for cases of transvaginal ultrasound causing injury to bowel muscle but to no avail. There was no such case reported. At 5am, I thougt I really need to make a trip to the A&E but Daddy calmed me and I finally fell asleep till like 8 plus in the morning. The next morning, I immediately make a call to my gynae and was assured that it was not possible that the ultrasound had injured my bowel and it was just a case of very bad constipation! I was told to get some laxative from the pharmacy which Daddy did almost instantly. Deep inside me, I was still not convinced by the doctor and the laxative was left untouched.

By then I had lost all appetite and had not had a proper meal since the night before. I was too stressed and worried that what goes in might not come out! Finally at about 3 in the afternoon, a trip to the bathroom finally paid off. I was elated. I was SO happy and relieved and had totally forgotten that I just had a miscarriage. I turned to Daddy and said ‘I think someone is giving me a sign. Someone out there is trying to tell me that it is ok that I had a failed pregnancy…cos it will be worse if I can’t SHIT!’ Never had I felt so relieved and happy and at that very moment, I was so glad that I still have Malcolm, Daddy and many many others who were so dear to us back home. We celebrated with yorgurts and fruits!!!

I was glad that Malcolm had been such a good boy, even though the last 30 hour while we were in so much pain, he had been a very good boy. Entertaining himself most of the time partly because Mummy and Daddy were around with him the whole day and I guess he did not really understand that we were both very troubled.

I was glad that I could wake up with him, go to sleep with him, cook for him, play with him, read to him, feed him, hug him, kiss him basically all the things that I would normally take for granted!

I was glad all 3 of us could cuddle in bed and fell asleep peacefully in each other’s arm that night

This incident makes me realised once again how fragile our lives are and how we mustn’t take people dear in our life for granted. We really don’t know when the day will come fpr us to bid goodbyes and I hope that when the day comes, I will not have too many…’I SHOULD HAVEs…’ cos by then, it will be too late.

As for Malcolm, it is tough for him to learn about such lost at such a tender age. Initially we were worried about explaining to him. We finally decided to put it to him in a light hearted manner.

So now if you will to ask him ‘Where is the baby?’ He will tell you ‘There is no more baby. The baby flies away in the sky…’