Fighting the Demon

It is the 2nd week that Daddy is away and I have been feeling kind of depressed these few days. Last week was an eventful week. We went out almost everyday. Every day is packed with programs and by the end of the day, we were all exhausted and looking forward to a good night rest. This left me with little time for myself. I was thinking maybe Mal was more sensible than me for once, as simple gestures of him missing Daddy on our ride back home, shows that he is more in touch with his feeling amidst all the activities going on. I am not so sure what is causing the frustration and depression but I think apart from missing Daddy, it got to do with me not doing the things I want to do and doing the things that need to be done. The price for letting oneself go is to go through the struggle to brace up and pick up from where one has left. It is always easier to continue to laze and bump around and it takes alot of effort to break out from this cycle. It is almost like climbing out from a deep trench after falling into it.

Laundry is piling, clothes are unfold, floor needs mopping, bathroom needs brushing, toys needs to be kept, just to name a few. The kitchen was closed for almost a week since Daddy was away as we were out most of the time and meals were settled outside. These few days that we were at home, even cooking a simple meal for the 2 of us was a chore, a pain and I would take leftover food for days if not for Mal. This is so unlike me, cos I hate leftover food. Just yesterday, I had instant noodles for dinner and for Mal, I heated up some udon from the day before, added a sausage and some mushrooms. I just felt bad for not treating Mal well during times like this.

I wasn’t so sure what has gotten into me. Maybe I am just too stress up. There was a whole list of things that I told myself I wanted to do during this period that Daddy is away, and to date, seems like nothing is achieved, and on top of that, there were household chores that were piling up, thanks for my negligence. It doesn’t help when I had been sleep deprived for the past few nights as I had been staying up late working on a new project. What’s worse was, I see no result, at least no result to meet my expectation, so to put it plainly, I have been wasting my effort. And then there was the workout at the gym that I had been missing…all these just stressed me out and I know it’s a vicious cycle that I need to break out.

I woke up telling myself this morning that I need to brace up and fight the demon! After breakfast, I cleaned, brushed and washed the 2 bathrooms, I changed and washed Mal’s bedsheet and blankie. I cooked ourselves a nice lunch. I did some good reading while Mal was napping which really is ‘chicken soup to my soul’. By afternoon, I was feeling much better. What gave the final uplift to my spirit was an hour workout at the gym in the evening, wrapping off with some fruitful shopping for some fitness outfits. I am feeling much much better now.

I think I had done well for the day as I had bashed up the demon in me, purging it out from my system as I write. I am all ready to take on a brand new day again.

“Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm”