Motivationâl List

May 29, 2009

And other than having breakfast and lazing in the sun by the beach, this is the list that keeps me going right now …

- Wantan Mee at East Coast

- Bak Chok Mee at Rail Mall

- Roti Prata at Jalan Kayu

- Tao Huay at Bukit Timah Hawker Center

- Sea Food by the beach

- Nasi Lemak with Fried Chicken at Changi Hawker Center

- Chicken Rice at Holland Village

- Chwee Kueh at Tiong Bahru

- Bak Kut Teh at Havelock Road

- Char Kuey Teow at Zion Road

- Rojak at Puggol Park coffee shop

- Hokkein Prawn Noodle at Wisma Republic Food Court

have I miss out anything ?

food | thoughts

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A New Adventure

May 26, 2009

For the past week, boxes have been lining the entrance of our apartment. We were busy packing, again. I dread moving.

It is hell lot of work and it is draining, both physically and mentally. Every item that goes inside the box has to go through the mental sieve

‘Do I need this ?’
‘Will I use this ?’
‘Is this out of fashion ?’
‘Is it worth shipping back ?’

By the end of each box, I am exhausted, both mentally and physically.

And frankly speaking, I have my husband’s constant nagging and reminding to thank.

Instead of amassing material wealth, for the last 1 year, I have spent a great deal of time reflecting and feeding my inner soul. The latter is truly liberating yet when I arrived at no answer nor solution, which happens very often, I look back at the immediate gratification that swiping cards could bring. I concur that ignorance is indeed a bliss.

And because I shop less, I end up buying less and becasue I buy less, I have less to pack now and thus less to ship home.

We are almost through with the packing. But it doesn’t end here. I have more on my plate.

Malcolm, myself and the little bulge in my tummy will be flying home this weekend.
I have 1 month to sort out the domestic and settle down before my husband joins us. From looking for a place to stay, to hunting for a family car, sourcing for funiture and finding a school for Malcolm.
It sounds like a nightmare already but surprisingly, I am really looking forward to what lies ahead.
I am excited about the fact that many things are unknown and many decisions are waiting to be made.
It is liike a brand new beginning, an adventure to an unknown land.

My optimism does puzzle me
I suspect it is the hormones again
or maybe it is the support and help that I am getting from family and friends back home,
or that I will be dressing up a new home again, satisfying the nestling instinct of a pregnant woman
or the mere thought of driving a car, AGAIN. (yes, I MISS driving)
or perhaps it was all because of the card swiping at Champs Elysees yesterday

Whatever it is, Bring’em On, Life !

thoughts

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Pregnancy Hormones - Out of Control

May 21, 2009

And I have never really understood what pregnancy hormones is capable of doing unitil now.

When I had Malcolm, other than the occasional leg cramps, everything else was great. I swam daily, I ate normally, my skin glowed with a natural radiance, I even jogged for the first few months.

I actually felt more feminine even after gaining all those kilos. Basically, I felt good about myself.

I loved to dress up and I bother to put on make up. That was definitely not my pre-pregnancy self as I am hopeless at painting face and I am more often seen with jeans and t-shirt or shorts and flip flops, hardly dresses. I wished that I could fit into those girlish dresses and I told myself I would get them after I gave birth. But guess what, those dresses never made it to my wardrobe. I lost my feminine self, my desire to be vain after I stopped being pregnant.

This time round, things were a little different. Dressing up seem to be the last thing on my mind. I was grumpy, hungry, moody and I felt that I had totally lost control of myself, of my body.

My skin, my hair, my mood. NOTHING fell under my control. My hair was a constant frizz and my skin was a total mess. I could be at the top of the world one moment and then moody and weepy the next. I wasn’t even in control of what I wanted to eat.

Whatever food that came to my mind would either lead to an insane craving or a pugnacious repulsion, nothing in between. I thought of fruits, I craved for them. I thought of vege, I had to have them, right away. I ended up with a trolley of melons, strawberries, oranges and kiwi and lots of leafy greens from Carrefour. I ate them, not in my usual portion but in HUGE amount. I could down a melon within minutes and gobble up a big plate of greens with plain white rice all by myself. The baby was turning me into a vegetarian! I swear that wasn’t me.

Whoever came up with the theory that whatever your child doesn’t eat now is a consequence of what you did not eat when you were pregnant, must be so wrong. My new theory is, it is NOT YOU who control your child’s future appetite, it is YOUR CHILD that is controlling yours, even before they were born !

Because I was constantly hungry, loading myself with carbo seem to be the best way to satisfy my hunger. And when my husband tried to stop me, I had to snap back ‘It’s NOT ME! It’s the baby!’. I later told him, ‘that WASN”T me either’

It was totally insane, completely bizarre and I felt utterly crappy.

That was my first trimester.

I am now into my 2nd trimester. My mood is less volatile, my skin is improving and so is my hair. I still have a voracious appetite but I am feeling better these days and I certainly hope that it will remain this way.

pregnancy

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One in a Million

May 19, 2009

I went for my first ultrasound the other day

The first question that popped from my mouth was
‘Any heartbeat ?!’

I learned the lesson
perhaps too well

A lesson that has reminded me the fragililty of lives
A lesson that has taught me the wonder of the human body, to create and to end lives
A lesson that has proved that there is a mysterious force that is capable of rendering any human being powerless
A lesson that has showed me the amount of emotional pain the human soul is capable of surmounting
and the realness of fate and destiny

I realised that thousands of women have walked that path
and millions of foetus have striked this pose

Heart Rate : 162 beats per minute

pregnancy

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And You Turn 5

May 14, 2009

You turned 5 during our recent holiday when we were in Milan. There wasn’t any special celebration but we did remember to get a slice of cake and a double scoop ice cream cone for you that evening. Being on such a special trip with a bunch of people, all the way from Singapore, whom you love and adore was perhaps the best present.

The biggest challenge for you this year has to be picking up French. You had a hard time in school because you couldn’t speak the language. You were rejected at the playground and you were picked on by other kids. We were happy that you were able to tell us what happened in school. We know it was probably not easy for you to admit your fears, especially when we always come to the same conclusion that you need to face school. It was a tough choice for us.

We taught you a few kicks and a few punches to deal with these not so nice kids and it seems to work. There was once you helped to fight some boys because they were attacking the girls. And there was a time you told us that you could hear your heart went ‘thump thump’ when you ran away from some boys who were trying to attack a bunch of you.

You learned that there are kids who don’t play nice and you do have the power to stop them from being nasty to you. You have decided not to play with these kids even it means having no one to play with. You seem to have a mind of your own and your choices are seldom influenced by other kids.

Today, you have made friends in school. You love holding hands with them, something you can’t explain why. It makes me smile to hear you speak French with your little friends. Your teachers love you and they were surprised when I told them that you had a hard time coping in school. We knew they like you probably because of the many things that you had told us. That you were one of the few kids who helped to clear up the mess after every activities each day, that you only talked when you were asked to as you realised that it gets too noisy when everyone talks at the same time. You are a sensitive guy who can be very observant at times.

Still, there were days when you chose to stay home, especially after a long break. Once a while we let you, though we probably shouldn’t. We usually ended up negotiating. You love negotiating and you love to talk. You can talk talk talk non stop. Keeping you in a conversation is the best way to keep you entertained and happy.

Because we allow negotiation, sometimes you would end up arguing with us when things don’t turn out the way you want it. We have to remind you that there is a difference between negotiating and being rude.

Beside talking, you love to listen to people’s conversation. You could be playing in the living room and listening to our conversation in the kitchen at the same time. Many times, you were happy and satisfied just sitting at the dining table, listening to us talk and would command us to continue talking when we paused. You are like a little sponge, soaking up every bit of information and you have a superb memory like many kids your age.

You looked forward to school holidays and it is amazing how vividly you remember every places we have visited. You were eager to share with strangers, stories about our trips. Your enthusiasm probably amused many people. You could tell from their wide eyes and the way they smile. Very often you were the only kid, trying to participate in a conversation with a bunch of adults. It didn’t bother you at all and you look absolutely adorable when you speak with both your little hands tucked in your pockets, the reason you gave was, PILOTS DO THAT WHEN THEY TALK! It is funny.

During our trips, you picked up hiking and skiing and you fell in love with them. You feel proud to hike up a mountain and ski down a slope. I guess it gave you a great sense of achievement, since to begin with, you have always been wary when it comes to trying out new things. You have gained much confidence through the process and I guess now, you believe that you are capable of achieving much more.

You love the mountains, the open fields, the rivers and the lakes. Very often, we had to drive for hours but you hardly whine or grumble. You talked most of the time. When you were not talking or sleeping, you would tell us that you were enjoying the scenery. We love what we hear and we know what you mean.

You love your Legos. Sometime during your 2 hours lunch break, we got carried away with our conversation and you would get upset when you realised that you were left with little time to play with your toys. Playing with them is something you need to do everyday. You can indulge in your imaginary world for a long time.

You have an affection for little creatures. You would pat a stranger’s dog, say hi to a stray cat, tip toed on the grass to avoid stepping on the flowers. Butterflies dodging in and out flowers make you squeal with delight. Sometimes we feel that you are nicer to these little creatures than to people. There are people whom you simply ignore. We feel that you sense hostility or maybe something that you don’t like.

You are a little guy that has taught us a great deal about sticking to your passion and you might just be able to show us how far it can bring one. For a long time now, you are obsessed with planes. You know a great deal about these flying machines and you are always ready to talk about these machines. Often, very seriously. You are determined to become a pilot when you grow up and it makes me wonder whether you will ever change your mind.

You know we love you to bits and you are a little guy that makes us hard not to be proud of.

SpecialOccasion | parenting

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Our Missing Piece

May 13, 2009

Another day has ended
Malcolm is curled up on the bed
nicely tucked under the blanket
He had specially requested for that place
right next to me
before Daddy left for his working trip

It is hard to turn him down
especially since then
each night he would jump on the bed
and squeal with delight
‘I am so happy to sleep with you’

It is a request
we know we shouldn’t concede
but yet we did
We know we shall soon pay the price
but for now
I must confess
he does help to warm the bed

It is the time of the year
where the sun doesn’t get to rest
till the clock strikes 10
a sign that summer is nearing
a season that is only here
because of him

As darkness sets in
The patch of gray
that has been threatening the sky
finally gives in

The enormous pressure
causes a downpour
that sets the winds howling
adding a tinge of loneliness to the night

As I sit here
listening to the pitter patter
the occassional stirring of Malcolm through the sheets
I thought I felt the little bulge moved
or maybe not

Perhaps I was imagining
yet one thing I am sure

We are waiting patiently
looking forward
to the return of our missing piece

Illustration from Shel Silverstein’s The Missing Piece

thoughts | writing

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A Morale Booster Is

May 11, 2009

Playing Chess on the Computer

Human vs Human
You vs Yourself
Cos whether Black or White wins
YOU WIN

And it is a good break from losing
and hearing the endless rant on
Why It Is Okay To LOSE

Malcolm has been a sore loser when it comes to playing chess and we have been trying to teach him to accept defeat graciously for the longest time.

For a while, he did not touch the chess board, for he was too afraid to lose.
Last night, he had a game with Dad.
After a few good moves coupled with Dad’s complacency and carelessness, he managed to defeat the Queen and Knight early in the game

But he soon lost his will to defend when his own Queen got defeated and when Dad gained a new Queen.

Malcolm lost BUT for the first time we heard him said
‘It is ok to lose’
We knew it wasn’t easy for him
and we could see him held back his tears

Then he told us quietly but firmly,
He wanted a game on the computer

We let him even though it was nearing bedtime
and we watched him played on

Him Vs Himself

activity | parenting

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Celebration

May 10, 2009

And I celebrated ME over the weekend
A simple celebration with simple wish

A dear friend from Le Cordon Bleu brought over the cake
Not 1 but 2 lovely cakes she made
Just in time to save my kitchen
from being turned upside down by the duo
who was trying to whip up something for mama

Hope you lovely mummies out there had a blast celebrating OUR day over the weekend too
You know you deserved it !

SpecialOccasion

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Positive

May 8, 2009

pregnancy

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By Train and Food

May 5, 2009

We re-visited Nice, Monaco, Pisa, Florence, Milan, Venice, Wengen this time. Cities in France, Italy and Switzerland.  This time with our family from Singapore.

Because we were train hopping from one city to another. We figured out that it was not very wise to be lugging along our ‘portable’ kitchen. The only electrical appliance we brought from our kitchen was an electric kettle.

To minimise cost, we booked hotels that offered the basic. My only criteria was, it HAS to be clean. And the hotels were all within walking distance from the train stations.

The hotels we booked were mostly rated 1 to 2 stars, they weren’t equipped with your usual electrical appliances such as fridge, microwave and coffee maker. Having an electric kettle of our own have made our mornings alot more pleasant.

Each morning, we would gather at my mum’s room for coffee, bread and cup cereal. It is good to travel with a mum, in this case, my mum, cos she was the one who would make sure that we had something to fill our stomaches each morning. She took care of the nitty gritty details such as making sure that all water bottles were filled before we set off for the day. All snacks and food are packed. We were spoilt.


Because we had packed NOTHING for cooking, we ate out everyday. For your info, this is the FIRST time that we travelled without our portable kitchen. Our portable kitchen has unknowingly became a security blanket for me whenever we travel. I am the paranoid one, always worrying that we will have problem finding a siuitable place to eat whenever we visit a new place. I blamed it on Mal, who is a fussy eater, but the truth is, I am just as fussy.

I am glad that this trip has taught me to worry less and it has proven that we can survive without our portable kitchen. And I learned that the best way to find the best eating place in a new city is to check with the locals.

We had our BEST meals at Florence, Italy. We discovered 2 restaurants serving authentic italian food, not just to the tourists but to the locals as well. For 12 Euro each night, we had wine, choice of pasta and choice of meat dish. It was a nice cozy restaurant tucked in the alleys and we couldn’t have found them if not for the recommendation by our hotel owner. We feast at these restaurants for 4 nights, consecutively. Just thinking of their pasta and minestrone soup makes me hungry now.

Our WORST meal was in Venice. We were literally ‘robbed’ by a waiter in broad daylight. An old man who looked deceivingly kind and sincere. We were naive enough to think that he would have some good recommendations. We basically didn’t know what we ordered as he was so quick to decide for us. And we thought we had the best grilled seafood until we saw the bill.

Would you pay SGD 100 for this platter of mix seafood grill ?  and to think that he went ahead and ordered 2 platters of this to fill us up !

Travel

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Back

May 2, 2009

It has been quite a break
The gang finally packed their bags and head back to tropical home on Labour Day.
phew !
the nest is transformed back to its original form
All sheets, Changed
Floor, Mopped
Toilet, Scrubbed
Floor mats, Washed

The girl who used to worry her mum sick cos she believed that she would probably rot in her own sty if left on her own.

The mum was probably right, however things changed a little since the marriage, since the child bearing. There emerged a part of the girl that has gone anal about household chores even though she still hates them.

However deep down inside, it is still the same old girl, the lazy girl who is ready to relinquish her roles
to cook, when there were people who would take over the kitchen
to shoot, when there were more enthusiastic photographers around
to write, cos all she really wants is to roll in the warm mud and sleep in her sty, relishing each day, unbothered about recounting the stories.

and she thinks that a break is REALLY good
(yes, you’ve heard it right, even a stay at home mum needs a break)
when it breaks ALL momentum

Or maybe not ?!

thoughts

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