The Monthly Visit

And the kids fought, I yelled
he talked back and I flashed him that piercing glare, threatening punishment
As I looked into those teary eyes, I wondered where did my sweet little boy go
I must had done something terribly wrong as a parent

And I turned all weepy, sitting in front of the TV watching a bunch of women who dropped everything back home, mounted their belongings on a bike and went riding from one end of a continent to the other
I could almost feel their liberation, their joy

Then I woke up in the middle of the night
palpitating and breaking into a sweat even under the full blast of the air con
and I felt bloated and fat as if I had ballooned over night

I couldn’t get back to sleep even though my body was totally exhausted
and I ended up feeling cranky, irritable and grumpy the next day

I spent the next day running the kids back and forth, doing chores and writing a post that never got published because it was totally crappy
While I was busy trying to weave that story, a tornado swept through the house and left a trail of destruction with toys strewn everywhere

I had just wasted the day and landed myself in a state of being there yet totally not there
It was agonizing and totally frustrating
I felt defeated, drained and like a total failure

Then the weekend came and something told me that I ought to drop everything

So I got up early enough to do my swim in the pre dawn hours while everyone else was still asleep

I love having the pool to myself where all I can hear is my own breathing and the rhythm of my strokes rippling through the water
It’s calming and rejuvenating all at the same time

Then I made myself breakfast
Blended green apples and celeries with beetroot powder and chia seeds
My daily dose of organic goodness packed in a glass

While my husband made breakfast for the boys and brought them to the pool
I curled up in bed with a book and drifted off to sleep

Shortly later, I woke up to their giggling
The boys had came back from their swim
A morning of indulging in myself had miraculously lifted my mood

We ate lunch and found a cafeteria with an outdoor space big enough for the boys to zoom around in their wheels while my husband and I sipped coffee and chatted about our week before winding down at a nice cozy restaurant nestled in the greens with writing on the wall that seemed to be written just for me

Savour every minute
Enjoy every bite
Love your family
Hug the trees

In that moment, everything became vividly clear
And suddenly everything seem possible

..

….

It was the time of the month
The hormonal demon was wrecking havoc and spiraling everything out of control

I was faced with the cold hard truth
that I was never in total control
and will always be under its mercy

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13 comments

  1. Rachel says:

    One of the best ways I know how to handle my moods is to not let it take control of me and hold me in bondage. I start thinking about the things that I should be thankful about, about the blessings that I have, the hope ahead of me and think about the people around me whom I have met and come into contact with that have alot less. Having that space for some me-time really helps alot as well. And thats when I usually find myself triumphantly emerging out of the PMS..

    • malmal says:

      hey Rachel. It is indeed easy to take what we have for granted and I am guilty of that. Thanks for reminding and sharing.
      Usually exercising helps during this period but my bad knee has been preventing me from doing anything strenuous and everything just adds up.

  2. Susan says:

    I for one turn into a moody mess when I’m having my period. So my hubby knows to avoid me and tends to give in to my demands. But one thing he asks of me is to try to control my crying as it scares my daughter. Or rather it makes her very concerned that I may be unwell or am in pain. I do take comfort in chocolates and eat more carbs as part of my comfort eating but besides that life pretty goes on and I try to rest more and yes think HAPPY thoughts ­čÖé

    • malmal says:

      hey Susan, yes I am like an emotional wreck during this period…totally out of control and I am hungry all the time. I crave for all the unhealthy sweet stuff which will aggravate the bloating and makes me feel fat and guilty which eventually led to binging more. It’s a vicious cycle !

  3. Regina says:

    I like the way you approach the subject with poetic justice.

    It makes the whole experience entirely… dreamlike(?)
    Which is what I wish certain episodes will actually be.

    • malmal says:

      thanks Regina, thanks for your comment but trust me, the experience wasn’t dreamlike at all. It makes me cringe to think about menopause !

  4. Jayne says:

    Have you tried essential oils? I used to be so terrible during those times that my husband started keeping track of the dates so that he can remind himself to be careful not step on the “land mines” during those times! I find that the oils have helped me personally for hormonal balancing and also energy boosting. I think they are inter-related actually. For me at least. All the best!

    • malmal says:

      hey jayne, 2 weeks before and 2 weeks after… my husband always say that…which is practically the whole month ! haha
      and yes I have been looking into natural remedy such as using essential oil and adjusting my diet…but have yet to figure out which essential oil works best…any recommendation ?

  5. Joce says:

    My hubby was just asking me last night what was wrong with me. And I didn’t bother to explain. I think he still finds it incredulous that hormones can wreak such havoc!

    For me, I feel loads better after a good cry. Emotionally better but physically worse! I think I should find a better way to destress cos I get a massive headache thereafter ­čÖü

  6. Anonymous says:

    Feeling sick, headache and sleepless night …oh my … The sign that it is coming…probably feel better after articulating it..God bless the ladies !

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