The Day I Turned 39

So I spent the early hours of the day reading a husband’s eulogy to his late wife

She was 39, just like me and she left behind 3 girls

It was heart wrenching and left me reflecting

About love, about life, about the many who are battling for life

This sets the mood for the day

Then the little one had to wake up a couple of times in the night to tug and chew on me

which left me feeling unrested at daybreak

Morning was a haste

Breakfast, revision, screaming kids and spilled lunch

Just when I thought I was about to lose it all

The door bell rang

A basket of sunshine, happiness, sweetness and tender love greeted me

A note, a clue that led me to the bookshelf in the study

Between the french books a little surprise awaits

A crafty creation, a rhythmical litereay piece, an artistic doodling

From a man who doesn’t craft nor write nor draw

My heart swell, my eyes sting

My love for this man renewed




Days Without The Dad

My husband is currently away. He has gone overseas for 3.5 weeks and I am left to fend for myself and the 2 boys during this time. I have been extremely busy playing mum and dad during this period.

I used to lament about how being a stay at home mum means a 24/7 job but the truth is, with the dad around, it was never really 24/7.

You see, the kids love playing with their dad and as soon as the dad comes home from work, my job is pretty much done for the day.

The dad takes over the kids, I cook, we eat, they wash the dishes while I sneak off for a quick swim, a short jog or just simply slack off.

My husband is good at playing with the kids and he is good at disciplining them.

With the dad away, my day is stretched till the kids are in bed and this usually happen at about 10 on most nights and usually later on weekends.

I am busiest in the morning. It is like most days when the husband is at work. I wake up, make breakfast, go through school work with my elder boy. Then I cook lunch, the kids play. We eat, wash up, pack up and I drive the kids to school.

2 days out of the week, I will lug both boys to do grocery shopping, one day for fish and meat, another day for everything organic. I wish I can do everything together but the fact is, I can’t . The fish is over priced in one place and the vegetable is not fresh in the other. I am fussy this way. Then every 2 weeks or so I will bring the kids to the library. All these, I do on weekdays because I dislike the crowd during weekends.

Things are a lot more relax in the afternoon after my elder boy goes to school. I get to spend more time with the little one. We play, read books, get our hands dirty doing crafts. Then he gets tired, takes his afternoon nap while I try to squeeze out a blog post or two even when I am totally uninspired.

I usually end up distracted by newsfeeds and gossips on Facebook or just surfing aimlessly on the internet. After an hour or two, the kid wake up and  by then my energy would have been totally zapped doing frivolous unimportant things.

I ended up being edgy and short fused and the rest of the evening usually go downhill. The dad would come home and save everyone from the agony.

With the dad away, I have less time for inane indulgence and instead I have been taking a little better care of myself.

I have been going for long walks along the beach while the little one naps in the jogger. I love the tranquility and I enjoy being with myself.

I have been putting great effort to tweak my diet.

I went on a diet that is high in carbo to one that is mainly fibre. I eat a lot more fruits and vege, lots of wholegrain, cut down on caffeine and avoid sugar. As a result  I feel less sluggish, more energized and I sleep better.

It has been 2 weeks and I have to admit that there have been days when the kids absolutely drive me crazy and there are nights when I feel totally exhausted and lonely.

Then there are days when I feel  absolutely happy and contented. Being a mother is like the best thing that I have ever done.

This is us at the beach, trying to catch hermit crab with a disposable cup.

The dad will be thrilled to join us.

8 more days to go and we are counting down.




The Move

Our family went through some roller coaster ride recently. We were expecting a big move which would see us living on foreign land for another couple of years. Having gone through such moves a couple of times, we thought it would be wiser this time to start everything early.

We did the medical checks, found new schools for the kids, almost booked the air tickets, terminated our lease, finalized on the shipping, started packing and even sold some of our furnitures.

Then came the news. We are not leaving.

If it was any of a consolation, we were given a choice and we chose to stay.

And this is what we had gotten ourselves into

The house is in a mess. We have part of our lives packed in boxes

We had sold our 2 year old sofa for less than 1/4 of the price and are  now living off our kids’ POÄNG chairs and a bean bag.

But guess what, we actually like it.

We love the new space in our living room where the kids could set up their train tracks and race tracks without having someone trip over them and we decided that it shall remain this way. We won’t be getting a new sofa.

And despite the mess, I actually felt relief.

I realized that I have been dreading the move. Perhaps age is catching up on me. I am less excited about going away.  I guess becoming a mom of 2 has made me less adventurous. It is no longer about me, myself and I.

I have 2 kids who depend on me now and I know I have to stay positive no matter how difficult it is. It is like expecting no down time and it can be tiring and draining in a foreign land.

Then there are our friends and family, who really are the people who make this place home.

Perhaps I am just too snuggly tucked in my comfort zone.

In any case, we are staying, perhaps for another year. And I am not complaining.  Will face it when the time comes.

Meanwhile, I am just thankful and happy for moment like this.




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