Pregnancy Hormones – Out of Control

And I have never really understood what pregnancy hormones is capable of doing unitil now.

When I had Malcolm, other than the occasional leg cramps, everything else was great. I swam daily, I ate normally, my skin glowed with a natural radiance, I even jogged for the first few months.

I actually felt more feminine even after gaining all those kilos. Basically, I felt good about myself.

I loved to dress up and I bother to put on make up. That was definitely not my pre-pregnancy self as I am hopeless at painting face and I am more often seen with jeans and t-shirt or shorts and flip flops, hardly dresses. I wished that I could fit into those girlish dresses and I told myself I would get them after I gave birth. But guess what, those dresses never made it to my wardrobe. I lost my feminine self, my desire to be vain after I stopped being pregnant.

This time round, things were a little different. Dressing up seem to be the last thing on my mind. I was grumpy, hungry, moody and I felt that I had totally lost control of myself, of my body.

My skin, my hair, my mood. NOTHING fell under my control. My hair was a constant frizz and my skin was a total mess. I could be at the top of the world one moment and then moody and weepy the next. I wasn’t even in control of what I wanted to eat.

Whatever food that came to my mind would either lead to an insane craving or a pugnacious repulsion, nothing in between. I thought of fruits, I craved for them. I thought of vege, I had to have them, right away. I ended up with a trolley of melons, strawberries, oranges and kiwi and lots of leafy greens from Carrefour. I ate them, not in my usual portion but in HUGE amount. I could down a melon within minutes and gobble up a big plate of greens with plain white rice all by myself. The baby was turning me into a vegetarian! I swear that wasn’t me.

Whoever came up with the theory that whatever your child doesn’t eat now is a consequence of what you did not eat when you were pregnant, must be so wrong. My new theory is, it is NOT YOU who control your child’s future appetite, it is YOUR CHILD who is controlling yours, even before they were born !

Because I was constantly hungry, loading myself with carbo seem to be the best way to satisfy my hunger. And when my husband tried to stop me, I had to snap back ‘It’s NOT ME! It’s the baby!’. I later told him, that WASN”T me either

It was totally insane, completely bizarre and I felt utterly crappy.

That was my first trimester.

I am now into my 2nd trimester. My mood is less volatile, my skin is improving and so is my hair. I still have a voracious appetite but I am feeling better these days and I certainly hope that it will remain this way.


One in a Million

I went for my first ultrasound the other day

The first question that popped from my mouth was
‘Any heartbeat ?!’

I learned the lesson
perhaps too well

A lesson that has reminded me the fragililty of lives
A lesson that has taught me the wonder of the human body, to create and to end lives
A lesson that has proved that there is a mysterious force that is capable of rendering any human being powerless
A lesson that has showed me the amount of emotional pain the human soul is capable of surmounting
and the realness of fate and destiny

I realised that thousands of women have walked that path
and millions of foetus have striked this pose

Heart Rate : 162 beats per minute